The Feather Forest

~ 06/18/2010 ~

Anybody ever seen that movie, “Forrest Gump”? Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about Forrest. There are multitudes of reasons for this recent obsession, but no matter how I’ve tried, I haven’t been able to get Forrest, and the movie about his ever-sweet and loving self off my mind.

I’ve thought about Forrest’s magic shoes, his love of chocolate, the life that he lived, the great things he got to do and all he represented to me as I’ve watched the movie about him time and time again. I’ve thought about his relationships, the lives he touched and influenced, his phenomenal coping skills, and his precious character and demeanor. I ponder the life lessons to be learned from the story, the great and admirable qualities we can try to emulate that come from this fictional character and how he lived life, and how poignant the story line was overall. But mostly, I have thought about Forrest’s journey and what that really means to me.

I love Forrest, truly I do. He represents innocence, purity, love, good character, hard work and perseverance, amongst many other admirable qualities. His child-like demeanor caused him to often be taken for an intellectually-challenged man, but he actually was quite wise. Everything he touched turned to gold and he made it look effortless in his quiet humility. To me, this is because he wasn’t seeking to
glorify himself, yet he was open (like a child would be) to being happy to do what he set his mind to and do it to the best of his ability – which was usually pretty darned great. His mama always told him that “life is like a box of chocolates, Forrest…you never know what you’re gonna get.” He moved forward through life, seeking truth, while always doing his absolute best to uphold his values and integrity….he took “Run Forrest Run” to a truly positive and new level and showed us just how important attitude and perspective can be.

Today as I was approaching the outdoor swimming pool with my children, what appeared to be a feather flew into my face and then daintily and lightly lifted off to move past me and towards a different destination. It may not have been an actual feather…I really can’t be sure…..it could have been cotton or some other substance from some type of shrubbery or tree. But it sure looked like a feather, and it sure felt like a feather. So again, I found myself thinking about Forrest, but this time I was zeroed in on Forrest and HIS feather.

“Forest Gump” the movie opens with a fluffy, billowy, white feather and closes with a spotlight on a feather as well. The feather is moving through space and time, sometimes dipping down, while other times moving towards something, temporarily landing before lifting off again to continue on its way. At one point, it even lands on Forrest’s shoe (one of his “magic shoes”) and he picks it up and places it in his suitcase full of treasures. A different feather of course, is featured in the end, but it follows a similar feathery flight cycle…ebbing and flowing, making its presence known and carving out a mysterious journey for itself as it effortlessly moves through the air.

The feather, for Forrest and his life, represents lots of things. I could probably write 20 pages about how much it symbolizes…freedom, the fleeting aspect of life and relationships, life and death, our transient nature, our vast experiences from childbirth to our own death. But most importantly, it serves as Forrest’s symbol of continuity…his constant. This is what gave the movie its line of continuity as well…a starting point that symbolizes a journey, and an ending point that points to a new one. And life goes on.

Since losing my mother a few months ago, and my “Grampsy Baby” a couple of weeks ago, I have been thinking a lot about the fleeting aspect of life here on earth. I have been thinking about what gives my own life continuity. I’ve thought about where my journey is taking me next and where and how my family and friends play out in that journey. I have thought a lot about my heroes in heaven…my mom, my dad, “Grampsy Baby”, and others. I have thought about who I love and admire most here on earth…my husband, my children, and lots of other family members and friends. But above all, I’ve been thinking about my faith and my ultimate hero…my God. So, I’ve been talking to God a lot lately.

Sometimes we look for signs from God or from our life experiences…things that we are hoping will show us the way, prove something to us, or help us feel inspired and stronger so we can move forward. I have found that when I am begging for a sign, I often don’t get one. I then start to pray…”God, please help me to see what you are placing in front of me that I am just not seeing”. I squint harder and harder so I can see…but to no avail. It’s usually when I have finally “let go” of the need to have a sign, while still being open and willing to see one if it comes my way, that I end up getting one after all - on my part, that's called surrender, and on God's it's called faithfulness. And after pondering this once again, is when things get really good.

So back at the pool, my kids were splashing around, happily playing, people were talking, or working on their tans, and lifeguards were ever-vigilant waiting to prevent the next potential disaster. I found myself sitting on my towel, as hot as could be, trying to read my book, yet stuck and reading the same paragraph over and over – ug! This happened several times over an hour or so and I started to get really frustrated. I asked myself “why are you not able to focus…this book isn’t anything deep…no one is yelling at you…there’s no reason you should keep getting stuck on this paragraph over and over again!” After this happened a fourth time, I gave up, closed the book and just stared out at my children playing in the pool.

And then I began, once again, to think. I was thinking again about Forrest and that feather of his.I thought about what my feather is in life. My mom used to be a feather of sorts for me. She was always there for me in one form or fashion…even if we were in different places at different times or going through our own individual different phases. Mom was someone who lent great continuity to my life. I always knew she was there for me - and that the feather, wherever it was flying at the moment, would be back to comfort me soon. Now, although she is in heaven and I can still talk to her, her presence isn’t with me in quite such a tangible way.

And “Grampsy Baby”….even though I didn’t get to see him all the time, he was almost 98 years old and was a "presence" in one form or another throughout my entire life. He was with me in the beginning of my life, gave me my wonderful mother and served as my father figure after my dad passed away. He was just an absolute rock, an even better example than Forrest, and I always knew he’d be there for me or anyone else that he loved. Grampsy was a feather in my life too. One I will greatly miss the soft touch of in my physical world.

And now….I have other feathers in my life….my beautiful husband Mark…my children, my family members, and my friends. I have my relationships, my values, my memories, and I have myself. But what if there is only supposed to be ONE feather? Forrest only had one. Hmmm?

And then it happened. A gust of warm wind kicked up behind me and suddenly TONS of those feather-looking things flew into the pool area, coming from behind us in the park. They were all over the place! The air was full of them…floating and flying around….some landing on the grass or even in the pool….you could see the immediate thrill on the faces of the lifeguards when they realized that when it was time to clean the pool later they were going to have their work cut out for them! I didn’t look back to see the source from which the feathers came….I didn’t need to…I know the source. There’s no doubt in my mind. I was in a FEATHER FOREST, and it was a thing of God! God was showing me that I can have more than one feather in my life as long as I realize who the true source is.

God is my one true feather, but in His generous and merciful nature, He allows me to have other feathers in my life too! How very cool.God is my feather source…the source of my feather forest. And my God is bigger than Forrest’s one feather! He is bigger than the wonderful relationships I had and bigger than the ones I still get to cherish and have in my life today. He is bigger than the memories I created with others and will cherish until the day that I die. God is bigger than any loss I could ever experience, bigger than my values, bigger than my heroes, my failures or my successes.

What’s more is that God didn’t have to shower me in a forest of feathers today. He didn’t have to give me a sign either. He didn’t have to one-up the one Forrest feather and send multitudes of the symbolic, pure, soft, powerful billowy things my way today. But He did. Yes, He certainly did.

Yep…Forrest’s mama was right…”Life is like a box of chocolates…you never know what you’re gonna get.” I don’t know why things have happened they way that they have and I definitely don’t know what is going to happen next. I don’t know if I will handle the next challenge well or if I’ll appreciate the next triumph to the fullest extent possible. But I do know one thing ~ one absolute truth with utter and complete certainty ~ and that is that I will always have my feathers and I will always have my God.

 I asked God for a new outlook on my Forrest feather today, and instead he gave me a Feather Forest. Thank you God for giving me today "what I didn't know I was gonna get."